Prophet? Not So Much

darinbut7-9? Inexcusable! But cut me some slack. There was some ‘act of God’ sort of stuff happening out there last weekend. I mean–the Browns beat the Saints? That’s like parting the Red Sea, right there! The Bears won on the west coast? Crack the sky! To recover my reputation I’m going to need Divine intervention.

And so will my Buccaneers this week. In week one they made a 78 year-old journeyman QB look like an All-Pro. In week two the Rams beat the Bucs with some kid off the street. Austin Davis? Didn’t she play Alice on the Brady Bunch? Don’t look now, but Matt Ryan is next to face the Bucs. Although, if the Falcons brain trust has been watching film, they should rest Ryan and throw a practice-squad QB into this one. The Bucs will make him a star.

Hey, here’s a thought: Do you remember when sports commentators were wondering if having Michael Sam on your team would be a distraction? Thanks to Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and a growing-by-the-day list of clowns, we may never hear of Michael Sam again! And you know who else is off the media hook? Since girlfriend/wife/child beating has taken over the airwaves, you haven’t heard another word about the Washington Native Americans name offending anyone. Daniel Snyder is thankful. Seriously, pre-game shows used to run down the injury list; now they run down the arrested and indicted list.

I have to admit I’m a little gun-shy. But let me see if I can pull a rabbit out of my hat. Here are my please-Jesus-help-the-Bucs picks for Week 3: Falcons over Bucs (Jesus said ‘no’), Chargers over Bills, Bengals over Titans, Ravens over Browns, Packers over Lions, Colts over Jags (Indy may rest the team and just send the cheerleaders for this one, and if they do, I still pick the Colts), Patriots over Raiders (with Tom Brady blindfolded and his right hand tied behind his back), Saints over Vikes, Giants over Texans, Eagles over Native Americans, Cowboys over Rams, Niners over Cards, Dolphins over Chiefs, Seahawks win the Super Bowl rematch over the Broncos, Panthers over Steelers, Bears over Jets. And this week’s tie breaking handicap: Over/Under on number of players charged with domestic violence this week ~ 3. Take the over!