Reeling Pigskin

darin3Don’t bother razzing me about this. No one is harder on the Pigskin Pontiff than the Pigskin Pontiff, I promise. 6-7? That’s the worst single week I’ve had since 2002! No kidding. Let me parse the results:

My Bucs won. Wonder of wonders! That was an act of God. Don’t count that against me. (And as a Bucs fan, I’ll take those “misses” every week with a smile.) The Patriots got dismantled by the Chiefs. Come on! Nobody in America saw that one coming! So you see, would those two have gone the way nature intended, then I would have been in the positive percentages. Whew!

The Raiders enjoyed their trip abroad. They left their coach there. No return ticket for you, Dennis Allen! Enjoy Buckingham Palace! Tony Soprano was named Interim Head Coach. Don’t stop believen’ Raider Nation. (If you get that reference, ten points for you!)

In St. Louis, Austin Powers was named starting QB for the rest of the year. Oh behave! Do you see what the Bucs did to that young man’s career path? Speaking of QBs, the Bills have benched E.J. Manuel for … wait for it … Kyle Orton! (Chuckles-all-round!) End of the day, it’s the Bills, right? Jesus couldn’t save this team! In the words of Clark Griswold: “Hallelujah! Holy $#@^! Where’s the tylenol?”

And my Bucs … Napoleon Dynamite will get a second start under center this week. Mark the Pontiff’s words: If the Bucs find a way to beat the Saints in New Orleans, Josh McClown is done. And if they lose, Bucs fans will need something stronger than Tylenol.

We turn a corner–second quarter of the season is at hand. Here are my badda-bing-badda-boom picks for Week Four: Pack over Vikes, Panthers over Bears, Cowboys over Texans, Lions over Bills, Colts over Ravens, Steelers over Jags, Saints over Bucs, Giants over Falcons, Eagles over Rams, Browns over Titans (no, that’s not a misprint), Broncos over Cards, Chargers over Jets, Niners over Chiefs, Pats over Bengals, Seahawks over Native Americans.