I'm so happy to be here!

The Ties That Bind: Stories of Love, Family, & the Legacy We Leave

darin

I Had a Jukebox Graduate for a First Mate

While I couldn’t resurrect Shari’s family story for her, I could welcome her into ours. That’s something we Shaws do very well. 

From the day we started dating, my family welcomed Shari as kin. I’m so grateful for my family. To this day, we’re all as close as ever. That’s the story Mom and Dad wrote. Our story. 

Those early days of love were something. I tried everything I could to be charming to Shari’s mother. I joined the choir she directed. I worked hard at it to do well—I practiced at home. She noticed! What did she do? She sat me next to the tone-deaf tenor, Carl, hoping I’d help him find his notes. I did my best. Anything for the mother of the girl I loved! 

But the closer I got to Shari, the more she tightened the reigns.

Spread out now Rosie, doctor come cut loose her mama’s reins,
You know playin’ blind man’s bluff is a little baby’s game;
You pick up little dynamite, I’ll pick up little gun,
And together we’re gonna go out tonight and make that highway run.
Rosalita jump a little higher, Senorita come sit by my fire,
I just want to be your lover, I ain’t no liar, Rosie you’re my stone desire.
We're gonna play some pool, skip some school,
Act real cool, stay out all night, it's gonna feel alright.
So Rosie, come out tonight, baby, come out tonight;
Windows are for cheaters, chimneys for the poor,
Closets are for hangers, winners use the door,
So use it, Rosie, that's what it's there for …
Rosalita jump a little higher, Senorita come sit by my fire,
I just want to be your lover, I ain’t no liar, Rosie you’re my stone desire.
I know your mama don’t like me ‘cause I play in a rock-n-roll band,
And I know your papa don’t dig me, he never did understand;
Papa lowered the boom, locked you in your room, I’m comin’ to lend a hand,
I’m comin’ to liberate you, confiscate you, I want to be your man.

Someday we’ll look back on this and it will all seem funny,
But now you’re sad, your mama’s mad;
And your papa says he knows that I don’t have any money.
Oh, so your daddy says he knows that I don’t have any money.
Well, tell him this is his last chance to get his daughter in a fine romance,
Because a record company, Rosie, just gave me a big advance!

Well my tires were slashed and I almost crashed, but the Lord had mercy!
My machine, she’s a dud, out stuck in the mud somewhere in the swamps of Jersey.
Well, hold on tight, stay up all night, ’cause Rosie, I’m comin’ on strong;
By the time we meet the morning light, I will hold you in my arms.
I know a pretty little place in Southern California, down San Diego way,
There’s a little cafe, where they play guitars all night and all day;
You can hear them in the back room strummin’,
So hold tight, baby, ’cause don’t you know I’m comin’ …

Rosalita jump a little higher, Senorita come sit by my fire,

I just want to be your lover, I ain’t no liar, Rosie you’re my stone desire.

Rosalita is a story of the forbidden love between a wild teenager and a young girl who was overly-protected. She might have seen it coming: Shari and I sort of lived this one out.

I was on a mission. “We’re gonna play some pool, skip some school, act real cool, stay out all night, it’s gonna feel alright…”, oh yeah, we did it all. 

There’s the first time her mother let me pick up Shari from school—a schedule conflict as I recall. All her other options were unavailable that day, and there I was, thrilled to offer my services! 

I polished up the Mustang and was there, leaning on her fender by the curb, when Shari walked out of school. She had two friends in tow. “Can we give Alan and Kara a ride?” Sure, pile in!

It all went great. Got home safe and sound. 

But that ride! Let’s just say that story involves a certain rainbow-striped flag; a really-well devised plan; an off-duty police officer (who wasn’t part of the plan); what, in today’s culture might be labeled a micro-aggression(in more ways than one); a brief detour (to the local police station) on our way home, and … a jailbreak. But like I said, it all went great! (And don’t worry. The statute of limitations ran out years ago, I’m pretty sure.)

Each adventure we shared became a story of its own. 

Like Growin’ Up’s lyrics, I’d found my first mate in Shari.

The flag of piracy flew from my mast, my sails were set wing to wing; 
I had a jukebox graduate for first mate, she couldn't sail but she sure could sing.

Like Jungleland’s “Barefoot girl, sitting on the hood of a Dodge, drinkin’ warm beer in the soft summer rain …” Shari’s first beer? Check! Just like the song said, except without the rain (Shari hates rain), and the obvious—no girl of mine would sit on the hood of a Dodge! My daddy raised me better. 

From Rosalita, the whole skipping school thing? Check! I had a plan. Worked great, too! We only did it once … you know, just to be able to say that we did. (Shari hates it when I say that!) 

“There’s a little cafe, where they play guitars all night and all day; You can hear them in the back room strummin’ …” Getting Shari into Nick’s bar, underage, to see a killer local duo, the bass player of whom once played with Blood, Sweat & Tears? Check! 

Just about every Springsteen story starts out with a guy and a girl getting in an automobile. You know we had to have a road trip in there. 

Hey, what else can we do now? Except roll down the window 
And let the wind blow back your hair; The night's busting open, these two lanes will take us anywhere.

Between Shari’s high school graduation and her first semester in college, we managed to sneak in a road trip to New York to see my sister Debbie … without Shari’s mom knowing about it. 

On the trip, it was Shari’s idea to take a detour on the way to New York, that we—

Take that ride, across the river to the Jersey side,
Take my baby to the carnival, take her on all the rides;
‘Cause down the shore everything is all right,
You and your baby on a Saturday night;
Well, you know all my dreams come true
When I’m walkin’ down the street with you.

We walked “down the shore,” passing “them dusty arcades,” where kids were “bangin’ them pleasure machines, all night and all day.” We saw “where the wizards play down on Pinball Way,” and caught a glimpse of the old “tilt-a-whirl down on the south beach drag.”

We even saw where “the cops finally busted Madame Marie for tellin’ fortunes better than they do.” Her fortune telling shop was still there. 

We even stopped on the way out of town to take a picture of me leaning on the historic Stone Pony just like a picture of Bruce. You know … just to say that we did.

To be continued …

Did'ya blow?

Sanctuary Devotional: A Glimpse Inside

darin

For twenty-one years I served as a pastor. For more than a decade since, I’ve made my living as a writer, drawing on both my theological education and pastoral experience to craft hundreds of daily devotional reflections.

Several years ago, that writing took a new direction. I began writing specifically for those carrying the weight of depression, anxiety, trauma, addiction, and recovery—and for the family members and friends walking beside them. These reflections were written for hurting people searching for hope.

I’m grateful that an entire year’s worth of those devotions, written in collaboration with Dr. David Hoskins, founder of Sanctuary Clinics and Sanctuary Communities, will soon be available in book form as Sanctuary Devotional: A Mental Health Journey Towards Hope & Healing.

The book begins by explaining how this project came to be and the hope that gave it life. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction, followed by today’s devotional reading for July 28th, O How He Loves Us.

INTRODUCTION

FINDING SANCTUARY IN THE FATHER’S EMBRACE

It all started a few years ago under the large print of Rembrandt’s masterpiece, The Return of the Prodigal, hanging in the great room at Sanctuary Clinic’s Monticello Campus. As we sat beneath that image of the father’s hands resting on the shoulders of his broken son, our conversation gravitated toward a shared reality: we are both prodigals.

Between the two of us, we have sat on every side of the recovery table. We have known the desperate, hollow emptiness of addiction and the “muck and weeds” of pastoral ministry. We have felt the terrifying loneliness of trying to shepherd others while wrestling with our own mental health struggles in the dark. But most importantly, we have both experienced the Fatherly love of God expressed in that parable—a love that does not wait for us to be “whole” before it welcomes us home.

A COMMUNITY BEYOND THE BUILDING

In our journeys toward the Father’s embrace, we discovered a vital truth: no one recovers in isolation. We were sustained by the prayers of devoted families and the presence of a greater Community. We aren’t just talking about the church building down the street, but the “Church” with a capital C—that great cloud of witnesses who have struggled, stumbled, and searched for God in the same valleys we walk today.

In moments of crisis, when we cried out for wisdom from someone who “knew,” someone in human flesh who had been there, we discovered an entire company of saints. We found that giants of the faith like Augustine, C.S. Lewis, Charles Spurgeon, Henri Nouwen, and Mother Teresa were not untouchable statues of perfection. They were men and women who wrestled to find God within a twisted, fallen world. Their writings have spanned generations because they speak the language of the hurting.

THE PURPOSE OF THIS DEVOTIONAL

This book is the culmination of that discovery. We have acted as curators, gathering a legacy of light from those who spoke into our own suffering. We have designed this resource to be a “Sanctuary” for your morning and evening—a place where the clinical reality of mental health meets the eternal reality of God’s grace.

We know that for the person navigating recovery or mental health challenges, the gap between what we know (“God is good”) and what we feel (“I am broken”) can feel like an ocean. These pages are intended to bridge that gap.

WELCOME HOME

If you are holding this book, you are no longer walking alone. You are being welcomed into the Sanctuary Community—a fellowship of believers who recognize that mental health treatment, recovery, and deep spiritual transformation are not only compatible, they are often inseparable.

Whether you are the one struggling, or the one walking beside someone who is, there is a place for you here. The Father’s hands are already reaching out. Welcome to the journey home.

— David Hoskins and Darin Michael Shaw

JULY 28 ~ O HOW HE LOVES US

IN WORD

“These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” — John 15:11

IN THOUGHT

“God does not just ‘love’ us through gritted teeth; out of the eternal freshness of His being, He cherishes us with unstintingly affectionate regard. This love, like Jesus’ personality, is full of joy.” — Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy

IN REFLECTION

Dallas Willard powerfully reframes our understanding of God’s character, tearing down the false image of a “morose and miserable monarch” or a “policeman on the prowl.” Instead, by confronting Jesus’ declaration, “He that has seen me has seen the Father,” we must recognize that God’s core nature is expressed through an abundance of joy. This joy was not ruled out by Jesus’ experience of sorrow or grief; rather, it was a steady, underlying happiness—an inheritance He left to His students.

The most comforting revelation here is that God does not just love us without liking us. He cherishes the earth and each human being upon it with fondness, endearment, and unstintingly affectionate regard. This is a love of another kind—a natural outflow of His perpetually self-renewed being. 

For those grappling with shame, self-contempt, or the fear of being truly known, this truth is the foundation of health and wholeness. It means God’s regard for us is rooted in His perfect nature, not our imperfect performance.

As the praise song “Oh How He Loves Us” declares, the more fully we recognize the greatness of His affections, the more His love eclipses whatever we are struggling with in this lifetime. Whether it is the darkness of depression, the burden of addiction, or the weight of past failures, His overwhelming affection brings strength for the journey. This love is not fickle or conditional; it is utterly dependable and eternally fresh. Let us long for it, cling to it, and find our strength in Him. What specific affliction or struggle is most threatening to eclipse your joy today, and what affirmation of God’s “unstintingly affectionate regard” can you speak over yourself right now?

IN DEED

Find a quiet moment to look in a mirror and tell yourself: “God cherishes you with fond and affectionate regard.” Choose to believe that He likes you today, regardless of your productivity or performance.